Wednesday, January 6, 2010

New Adventures in Stupidity

Okay, so I posted the last post to the wrong blog, after working for days to transfer posts over here. Hoping to keep it straight.
I originally signed on to post my latest morning adventure.

Scene: Tuesday morning before preschool, Mom oversleeps.
Characters: Nora, Thomas, Dad, and Mom & Dog
Era: Preschool

Thomas: "MOMMY I AM HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mom: From a deep sleep. "Snerk, blink blink. When did you wake up?"

Dad: "He woke up with me & I'm late."



Dad enters with Nora's bottle of milk.

Mom: Getting up, "So, Thomas, how do you ask for breakfast nicely?"

Thomas: "Please, may you get me three bagels to eat this morning?"

Mom: "How about 2 mini bagels with cream cheese & I'll give you a 3rd if you are still hungry."

Thomas: "Okay."

Fast Forward Past Dad Walking the Dog, Taking out the Trash, Me dressing Nora & Myself, Teeth & Hair brushing (not my own, I have a hat this morning & am lucky to find clean pants so as not to embarrass the churchgoing staff at Thomas's preschool) lunch, backpack, into the car, third bagel, etc.

Scene: Re-entering house after dropping Thomas off on a very calm trip to school. It was positive all the way around. There weren't any worries, forgotten projects, or tears. Mom was thrilled, although unbathed and very hungry for her own set of bagels, cereal, or anything not moving. Mom was thrilled to have pulled off such a nice morning in the face of the oversleeping event.

Characters: Nora & Mom & Dog

"Nora, where is the cream cheese?" View pans the kitchen counter, focuses on toaster, half a bag of mini bagels, and an empty cream cheese box. "Didn't Mommy put the organic cream cheese back in the refrigerator?"
** ORGANIC (translate: Purchased at a much higher price only because the main consumers would be the small children in the house who don't need unnecessary hormones).

Sound: Dog lapping up an ocean of water.

Mom can't find the wrapper.

Mom starts to consider park ranger warnings about the horrors of dead wildlife who were poisoned from careless campers who left wrapped food in places accessible to animals. Mom then considers dog x-rays, vet calls, consulting the internet assvice about the heinous crime she has just committed & thus doesn't deserve to have pets let alone children, & should die a horrid death by aluminum foil digestion. She calls the Dad freaking out.

Dad chuckles. "He's a dog, it'll work it's way out. Don't let it ruin your day."


  1. I can't help but wonder, while all of this was going on, what was the cat doing?

  2. well i dont know about your dog but I know with mine she has the iron stomach. In certain cases. she has eaten a ballet slipper. I later went outside only to find slightly pink, threadbare looking chunks of fabric in a mound of her crap. well at least she enjoyed it.